Why would Anna Duggar stay?


 This is sort of rhetorical question for most. Why would a woman stay with her child molesting, cheating and lying husband? Well unless she is also abusing kids, or she is crazy right?

Wrong.

But what has been upsetting me is people assume they have the right to tell her she has to leave, or how bad she is for staying. Until you have walked a mile in her shoes you know nothing about why she might stay.

  How do I know this? Because while I was only Home schooled for the last years of high school, I grew up in a fundamentalist church, and my mom choose to stay with my father until his death.

 As much as we get to “know” because of the internet; most people know very little of Anna’s upbringing, or her life now. The Duggars and others having TV shows about this subject has done no good.

The worst thing a person can know is almost nothing about something. Because if you know truly nothing you can’t assume, but when you know something it opens up the doors to ponder about something you don’t understand.

Even with all of that say Anna chooses to leave say tomorrow she packs up her kids, their tiny bit of things, and goes off into the great Unknown. That sounds like a wonderful story doesn’t it? She could even write a book later on? Life isn’t like that. Leaving takes money, transportation, and tons of help.

From my own experience homeless shelters suck, even if they are called women’s shelters. The rats, worrying about having someone steal your small amount of things, kids who don’t behave like what your use to, the drug addicts, being told when you can shower or bathe, not being allowed to go as you please, being told when she can and can’t eat as well as her children, in my case being dumped out during the day, and being assumed to be something you’re not.

Say a good Samaritan were to put Anna up. She still it would mean leaving all she has ever known. Her children would have to go to school(something I am sure would scare her).  She would have to go to work. Like many home schoolers this will be hard. To actually do well she would need to go to college, and that is another thing that would be hard if not impossible.

Has Anna in her life ever provided for herself let alone her children? I am not answering this because I honestly don’t know.

But couldn’t she go on food stamps? This one is funny to me sorry. Anna like all or at least most right-wing, fundamentalist Christian, ATI families has had it ground into her so deep how wrong it is to take help, and how bad public assistance programs are.

“Those are for the poor, the weak, the feeble-minded, and the wretched. And we are not like them. They are less than us”.

This is something a home schooling father I knew would love to say. Not very Christ like is it? He would add-on, “but we should pray for them” to make it all better. He didn’t say it in public he didn’t make his feelings known to outsiders. Because that would have tarnished his outside persona.

So is it impossible for Anna to leave Josh? I haven’t said that nor will I.

Many of her sisters and brothers in Christ have gone before her. Many have left and never gone back, but just as many have gone back, and many more have never even left.

I knew a woman who at first only wanted to give her husband time to calm down, so she went to a different part of the state. When he had listened to her voice mails and threatened her she left the state with her five daughters. They stayed with her mother for months. Her and the older girls got jobs they debated on getting a permanent place to live up there. But she had listened to her husband’s begging and came back to work it out.

He had gotten rid of their dog, but she brushed it off. The dog wasn’t important she was just a dog. He threw out some of her kids things, it was just clutter after all. He had sold some of her jewelry she had left behind. He needed the money, because he was now renting an apartment, and paying the bills for the house. He no longer wore his wedding ring, but they were separated, but hers was still on her finger. He made their daughters cry, but they wouldn’t behave, so he had a right didn’t he? He hid his phone from her, it wasn’t like she needed to see who he was talking to right?

And when he had moved back in he had not changed. His children listened to him even better. There was no noisy TV, no dog barking, his wife still listened to his every word, and he now had a girlfriend on the side. He should thank his wife for leaving him. But that would go to her pretty blonde head wouldn’t?

That woman is nothing like Anna they look nothing alike, the woman is older than her, and they don’t even practice the same form of Christianity. They are women who are under a man’s thumb, and the elder of the two felt she had no long-term way out.

For Anna’s and her children’s sake I hope I am wrong and she does leave.




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