As I write this I can see the tiny faded blurry bits of color I know are leaves. For me it is kind of sad because I remember the first time I saw them change color, which was only a year ago. The bright reds greens, and golds. I don’t want to be depressing, far from it. Things change go and become different. While it might be hard for me now to see the leaves change, I notice the difference it how the air smells, the laughter of a child as she picks out a new coat with her mother. Know that the blurry building is a coffee shop by the wonderful smell of fresh ground coffee.
I guess I am learning now that I will experience things differently. That instead of seeing the leaves from my bedroom window, I have to walk out with and see them with my cane in hand.
Or that instead of just buying a book from a book store. I need to either a audio copy, or a e book.
My cane is my constant companion almost to the point it is part of me. I go okay socks, shoes, and cane. And if I end up forgetting it, well that to me is like I left a body part behind.
As the leaves being to fall I know my life is changing. Like the trees I am waiting for something new. Preparing for it. Unlike the trees I am not waiting and preparing for winter. To me this at least it is something more than that. I wait for day I will start college. I wait for the day I will receive a guide dog. I wait for the day I will travel back to where I belong (Florida) for a visit. I wait for the day I will ride a horse again. I wait for the day I will own my own horse. I wait for the day where it will be me winning those blue ribbons.
I wait for the things I consider important, though I do not wait for winter. As a cane user I know it will not be fun.
But like the trees I have to do something as I wait. The doctor’s appointments, the O&M lessons, the talking to people, it isn’t as fun as all those other things are, but they need to be done.
Like the guide dog I hope to have I need more training.
I need to take and pass my GED before college(my mother home schooled me, and since we are no longer speaking it is impossible for her to fill out the forms I need including my diploma).
I have a long road ahead, and as of now I want put one foot in front of the other, with my cane tapping along ahead.
One thing I do look forward to is the holidays. They are the reason Christmas and Thanksgiving. Both with their red, green and gold. For very different reasons and very different things.