I have assumed I was doing well dealing with vision loss. I can move around pretty well, do what I need to do, and am rather out about the vision impairment I have. I think everything is going and I do something silly like put cottage cheese on my taco instead of sour cream. Go face first into a door, or walk into a stop sign.
I tend to take myself too seriously, and assume I have to do everything right. With vision loss it doesn’t work all that well to do that. I can’t think about everything being right, and straight most things in life will not be. I am going to be late to things, get lost, get rained on to the point that I end up ringing out my clothes. I am going to slide on ice, and have people ask me ”are you blind?” ”Where’s your seeing eye dog”. ”Can’t glasses fix it?”
Depending on the day I am either going to try and teach a person or walk away and ignore the person, or if you get me on a really bad day I am going to stick my tongue out at you. Just kidding, well maybe I am only 19.
While I do need more O&M training badly, so I am less likely to step out in the street when I am hoping there are no cars, or even walk into a stop sign(I don’t know how I didn’t see it, but I didn’t see it until my face was in it). My clothes aren’t going to be prefect I am going to be covered in dog hair. Anyone ever live with a golden and, or a Aussie, if so you will understand.
I am too honest too blunt, and easily confused. I regularly make myself look like a silly fool, or a know-it-all. I promise I don’t mean too.
My hand writing is a mess, and my signature is almost unreadable (nothing to with blindness never truly learned cursive, and my issues with fine motor skills don’t help).
I have health issues not just blindness or Autism, sometimes I feel like there is a sea monster under the lake waiting to drag me under with it. That isn’t the case, but I just wish sometime anytime something anything would give, but I wouldn’t be me if life was ever easy.
I am far from what men dream of when they think of the prefect woman. Too talkative. Too outspoken. Too broken. I am me though the girl who will talk to you about everything from blindness to Autism to dog breeds to politics.
It seems at times my knobs are turned too tightly. I talk too fast, say too much, I am like a spinning top.
I wish like I wish for one day to be able to move through a crowd with ease, one day it will be better. I just have to chase after it. I will get there one day it just might take a little more time than I thought, and it has taught me miss judging myself and my skill set isn’t a good thing.
Cane skills have one thing in common with horses if you think you are better than you are you will get hurt, it isn’t a game that you can play like jumping rope. I hope others don’t need to run in a stop sign to do that because stop signs hurt.
I guess figuratively this was my stop sign in life telling me to go back and start again. Learn more be more prepared. I need to take a few steps back, learn a little more and then go forward. Maybe this time I will swing a little wider, and breeze right past it. Or I will walk past it and don’t even realize it is even there.
I might be reading too much into it though, which I tend to do. I might be having a ”bad blind day” and instead of like a bad hair day where the only thing that will be bad is the way my hair looks. On ”bad blind days” I soak myself with tea, or even walk into stop signs. No matter what it is it doesn’t matter right now because the weather is warm here, and I am going to enjoy a big bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.