Sometimes it is more than just being nice


”Cake saying Happy birthday Mandy in messy letters. Or as I like to think of it the inspiration porn cake”.

I am Autistic, have been since I took my first breath like this woman who decorated this cake. Nothing I do is going to change this fact. Why has this made so many rounds on facebook? Why has this been on the news? Most see it as she did such a nice thing she was nice to the disabled Autistic girl, who wasn’t suppose write on the cake.

Let me first start off with some facts that makes this story not be about kindness, or those good fuzzy feelings the non disabled get from it.

First off writing on a cake like we are use to is hard, a disability or no disability

This woman (the Autistic) did not know how to write on a cake, it  wasn’t her job to write on said cakes.

The woman’s reaction was not out of kindness before hearing the words person with Autism.

The other employees should not of told said cake buyer about the fact the woman is a Autistic.

The disabled are people, and not alive for making the non disabled happy. Nor are we simply around to inspire you. We have our own lives to live.

The only people who are being thought of is the cake buyer, and yourself, well in most people’s cases. I would rather hear the other side of the story since surely no matter how the woman, the Autistic woman who made this cake, has the right to speak for herself anyway she would.

How do we know she has motor skills issues from the fact she is Autistic without asking her. Some do including yours truly. Though not all do.

I have been judged for years for how bad my writing is, long before I became blind. It has been the cause of laughter by my fellow students. Teachers telling me to just try harder. That isn’t a reason not to try harder. When I forced myself to the point my hands throbbed and shook I was still told ”I could do better”.

The difference between myself and this woman? My 504 plan stated I had processing issues, ADHD, and ODD, not Autism. That has since changed I am a Autistic, and it seems to make a difference to some.

Some like the cake buyer turn me into inspiration porn, telling me how wonderful it is that I am able to do ”normal” things. It is now even worse since becoming blind.

Others say I ”talk” so well even I am actually typing something many Autistics find so much easier. In many cases these are parents of Autistic children, but sometimes others.

The last the ones I find most scary, and also worrisome. They me I can’t be. I am normal, or the cute geeky girl. The pretty nerd. They tell me I don’t have meltdowns. They tell me I don’t have sensory issues. They tell me glasses could fix my eyes.  They assume they know more than me, more than my doctors, and more than the people who live with me. I am going to say this as nicely as I possibly can you have no right to tell me I am not Autistic. Because there are moments as much as I am pro neuro diversity I would do anything not to be.

You have no right to tell me glasses would fix my eyes, after I have mourned over my vision loss. After I have cried over it. After my doctor gave me the news. Do think I would be using a long cane if ”glasses could fix it?” Surely I would be wearing them.

So please keep all three of these to yourself because I am not your next inspiration. #Iamnotyourinspiration  And not it isn’t just a cake.





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